what I have learned since October of last year?
what have been my lessons about what it actually looks like to remake a life to the specifications of only the individual who is living it and not all the folks it used to be organized for.
Well, what I have learned is that there are no guarantees, fits and starts are the name of the game, and what seems to be rolling along way too fast one day is ground to a permanent stop the next. ...funny... the analogy that just came to my mind is of being worked on a smith's forge. Heated, pounded, then cooled. Shaped and molded slowly and patiently by the four elements and time. No judgements on how long it takes, only a knowing that one day, the work will be done. Growing is tough work, sometimes its good to take breaks, breathers.... naps even.
I have learned that if you thoroughly exhaust yourself for more than 30 years taking care of those who refused to care for themselves that you will likely be so exhausted when you finally step back that some of those "breaktimes" will be long ones, and they are good, and necessary for that growing to continue. Again, much like those plunges into the cold water of the Smith... time to be still.
I have learned that I am really not all that attached to having a ton of money and all the "stuff" that society says is so important. I have learned that oftentimes (okay, all the time) if I just let it be and believe, it will all turn out just right. Its actually gotten to be kinda amazing watching all the little pieces fall, over and over, time and again, into place just in time....
let there be no confusion, I HAVE NOT mastered patience nor fear in any way. We have just come to be friends and learned to hang out comfortably together.
I have learned that given the opportunity, there is little to nothing of the possessions I have that I would not sell, give away or store in order to begin a brand new adventure the outlines of which might be vague at best.
I have remembered that hanging out with my son rocks, all the time and that there is absolutely nothing he ever asks of me that seems like a bother or a chore. Its a gift to be asked.
Finally, I have found the absolute trifecta of ways to use my time in order to bring my body mind and spirit its ultimate level of happiness. people, nature and art. Time with my peeps, family (furred, feathered, scaled and skined members one and all!), friends, loved ones, doing nothing more than just talking and hanging together is good, if eating together is involved, so much the better. Time in nature listening to the trees and all their friends speak their wisdom, and lastly time with my art. Everything else is extraneous, can be modified or changed as needed and really wouldn't matter all that much.
I think it is time now to prepare for the next adventure.... again.... not sure what this will look like. I have hopes and dreams that is for certain. But, having learned along the way in life that there are no guarantees, I am doing my best to just skate along in the joy right now... leave the past and some of its harder lessons behind and just believe.
and cross my fingers... definitely still keeping my fingers crossed... it can't hurt.